I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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