Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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