WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize