Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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