direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
