You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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