you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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