I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
