That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
