My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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