I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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