If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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