Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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