im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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