I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
