Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is the high leading the old right now
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
