i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
