i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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