You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
