I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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