Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
