I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
