alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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