he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
