okay pat passed out under dana's car
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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