I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
