I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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