Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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