Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm getting married
To pizza
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
