...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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