Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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