we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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