So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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