naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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