last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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