yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
