you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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