well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
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She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize