hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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