I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
