My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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