she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The struggles of a small town man whore
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
