I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
