You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
