it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
