can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
