some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
