Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
