grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
