I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i think i just lost a toe
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
