i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
