Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
