The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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