the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
