Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
