Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
