Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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