He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
