im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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