windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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