i think my mom watched the whole time
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
