On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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