Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
